I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
