that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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