I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
