The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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