My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
