i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
