walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
