I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
