haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
