Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
