i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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