What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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