felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
