I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My cat gives me a boner
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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