waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize