his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize