So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
