My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize