theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
