we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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