Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
