So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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