After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize