My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
