maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
