I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
