Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
