dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
