You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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