I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
