it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
