So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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