I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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