after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
