I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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