Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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