oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
