Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize