p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize