i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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