3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i came on her dog
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You can't just leave with hair like that
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
