Quick, to the slutcave!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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