So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
