2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
