five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
