nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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