I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
