I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
