Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
