i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize