You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
