If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
