I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
