dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
