it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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