You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
