He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
