babies were throwing up all over the place
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
