When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
