I am spending my child support on dildos
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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