wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
