took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We are all done wearing pants today
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
