Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
