I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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