I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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