Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
