All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
