kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
