I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
